My story started when I was 14 years old and ended when I was 22. I was depressed for 9 years of my life and was struggling on how to handle it. I became bulimic for 4 of those years as an outlet for my stress and had constant suicidal thoughts for the last 4 years. It was never easy waking up mainly because I wish I didn’t wake up. I slept for hours until the late afternoon if I could. I isolated myself from friends and family because I thought everyone was out to get me. I was playing mind games with myself and couldn’t understand how to get out of them.
When I was 22 I found yoga. I practiced every morning and night and noticed as I practiced there were no thoughts, just the present moment. My perspective on life began to shift. I looked at everything in a positive way and it brought me to clarity. My mind games ended because I saw a bigger picture. I found love for myself that I never had before and finally saw my self worth.
I was able to relieve myself of suicidal depression with no doctors and no medication, only self awareness, self study, and meditation. Yoga was my answer and gift, and now my gift I teach to others going through the same experience.
What Does Depression Mean To You?
Depression is sitting in this deep dark hole inside of you. You can almost see a light when you look up, but it’s as if you’ll never reach it. It’s the feeling of everyone being out to get you, even if that’s not at all what your reality is. It’s loneliness, self doubt, isolation, mind games, the list continues. Depression is everything you fear and then you begin to fear yourself.
How Did You Overcome Depression And/or Self Harm?
Yoga. I found an outlet with movement that I’ve always loved and started to notice, I wasn’t drowning in my own thoughts as I practiced. The more I practiced this “moving meditation” the more I paid attention to myself. I became aware of my actions, reactions and emotions that would constantly change. Once I noticed I was able to control them. When I finally was able to get a grasp on myself I felt free. This heavy weight was lifted, I climbed out of the dark hole and I saw my light. I saw my self worth.
What Advice Would You Give Someone That Is Battling With Depression?
You have the strength to overcome this but you have to know you are worth it. You have to WANT to overcome this. You are the only one who can get yourself out of this part of your life and keep yourself out of it. It’s a mind game we play with ourselves so my best advice is to practice mediation. It’ll be hard to sit quietly with yourself but it will show you what you need to go through to get out of this. It’ll show you why you are worth it.
What Do You Believe Are Some Problems That The Media Brings To Females That Battle With Depression And/or Self Harm?
I feel the media highlights any erratic behavior and mood swings to be associated with females in general. Females are always so “sensitive”. Instead of labeling it should be known that everyone is dealing with something internally, female or male, and unless we are compassionate and patient we will always be quick to judge and never know the deeper story.