In 5th grade people in my class started bullying me because I’m skinny. They kept telling me I’m anorexic but I never suffered from anorexia or bulimia. It’s genetical in my case. I also never suited to any clique because I’ve always been different than others. I lost all my friends because I’m different and I was the only one who never had a boyfriend. Also I got ignored out of the blue by any guy I ever got in contact with. This destroyed me and my self worth a lot. Depression, self harming and my suicidality got even worse. As a joke I asked one of my classmates for an appointment at his dad’s psychiatrist’s office when I was 18. He helped me and I got an appointment and my first antidepressants. I got the diagnosis depression then. It got better with the antidepressants so I started my first apprenticeship. I got some very deep downs in the meantime which showed me I haven’t won the battle against depression. Now after some more years of working I accepted that I’m not able to fight myself with antidepressants. I have to get more help. So I’m in the day hospital now and now I got the final diagnosis borderline personality disorder. I’m still fighting but I’m on the right track. And I will care more for myself now.
What Does Depression Mean To You?
Depression is sure an illness of the mind affecting the body. It’s a hard step in life but also a lesson. You can and will grow from it. You’ll become a more sensitive and kindhearted person. You can learn a lot from yourself. So depression is a curse and a blessing at the same time. The blessing part needs to dominate in the end.
How Did You Overcome Depression And/or Self Harm?
I haven’t completely overcome it yet. It’s still a progress. I got my first antidepressants when I was 18 years old. Now I’m 23 years old. I still get antidepressants and sedatives to sleep. I never had psychotherapy the past years. Now it’s my eight week in day hospital and afterwards I’ll need psychotherapy and still much time.
Ask for help if you can’t handle it anymore! Talk to your parents, close friends or your family doctor! And stay strong, everything will get better sooner or later and you will have such a great future! Don’t let anybody and yourself get you down. You have to learn to be your best friend enjoying life. And you will, I promise!
Media brings a lot of issues nowadays. Bullying is even worse because the anonymity in the internet promotes acting bad without consequences. Also it’s a hard thing for especially young girls because it’s easy to compare with others. Girls get skinnier and if others can’t achieve it they get very depressed, lose their own worth and start to self harm to ease the tension. The media development is really unhealthy for young minds. And many young girls forget that most things in the internet aren’t reality. That’s a huge point, too.